So, people often bring up this idea of “replacement behavior for wrestling,” especially when kids, or even pets sometimes, get a bit too much with their roughhousing. And I gotta tell ya, my journey with this was less about finding a neat, tidy substitute and more about, well, a bit of chaos and then figuring things out the hard way.
At first, I went down the usual rabbit hole. My two boys, they just loved to wrestle. Everywhere. All the time. It’d start fun, then someone would get an elbow to the nose, and tears would follow. So, I’d jump in, “Hey! Gentle hands! Use your words!” You know the drill. I tried redirecting them to quieter activities. “Why don’t you guys build with these blocks?” or “Let’s read a book!” And sure, that worked for about, oh, five to ten minutes. Then, like magnets, they’d be back at it, rolling around on the floor.
It felt like I was constantly just putting out fires. I even tried a star chart for “no wrestling.” That was a spectacular failure. They’d be good for an hour, get their star, and then immediately celebrate by… wrestling.
My Big “Aha!” Moment (Sort Of)
The thing that really got me thinking differently wasn’t some parenting book, that’s for sure. It was actually our old dog, Buster. He was a big, goofy Labrador, and when he was a pup, he loved to play-bite. We tried giving him chew toys every time he nipped. Sometimes it worked, sometimes he just looked at the toy like, “Are you serious?”
One day, my father-in-law was visiting. Buster went for his hand, all playful, and my father-in-law, instead of yanking his hand away or scolding, just kind of gently held Buster’s mouth for a second, then redirected him to a tug toy, but made it a super engaging game. He didn’t just offer the toy; he made the toy more interesting than his hand. And he’d do this weird growly play voice. Buster loved it. It wasn’t about stopping the biting, but about channeling that mouthing instinct into something acceptable.
That got me thinking about the wrestling. Maybe it wasn’t just aggression. Maybe it was a need. A need for that physical contact, that energy release, that rough-and-tumble play.
What We Actually Started Doing
So, I threw out the idea of “stopping” wrestling altogether. Instead, we focused on making it safer and also finding other things that scratched that same itch. Here’s what I actually did, step-by-step, more or less:
- Defined a “Wrestling Zone” and “Wrestling Time”: We got some cheap foam mats for the living room. Wrestling was ONLY allowed on the mats, and only when I said it was “wrestling time.” This alone helped a ton because it wasn’t a free-for-all anymore.
- Established Clear Rules: This was key. We came up with rules together:
- No hitting, kicking, or biting.
- If someone says “stop” or taps out, the other person MUST stop immediately. No arguments.
- Keep it playful. If someone starts to get genuinely angry or cry, wrestling time is over for a bit.
- I Actually Participated Sometimes: Yep, I’d get down there too. Not to wrestle hard, but to model gentle roughhousing and to be a referee. Plus, they thought it was hilarious.
- Found Other Physical Outlets: This was big. We realized they needed to burn that energy. So, we started:
- More outdoor time: Running, climbing at the park.
- Pillow fights (again, with some ground rules).
- Building huge cushion forts and then “demolishing” them.
- Dancing like maniacs to music.
- Timed races around the house or yard.
- Talked About Energy: I started talking to them about having “big energy” and how we need to find good ways to let it out, instead of just saying “don’t wrestle.”
It wasn’t a perfect science, believe me. There were still days when things got out of hand. But the overall frequency of unwanted, injury-inducing wrestling went way down. They learned to ask, “Can we have wrestling time?” which was a huge win.
So, for me, the “replacement behavior” wasn’t one single thing. It was a whole shift in approach. It was about understanding that the drive to wrestle was a real need, not just “bad behavior.” Then it was about channeling that need into safer, more structured wrestling, and also providing a bunch of other high-energy, physical activities that helped get those wiggles out in a positive way. It took time, patience, and a willingness to get down on the floor and be a little silly myself. Still a work in progress, as most things with kids are, right?
